Summer nights

I've been told that I am in desperate need of an update to this thing, and I would have to agree. I have a bad tendency to start things, like this blog, and be super excited about it and then forget that it exists until I receive an email telling me that I have new comments to approve. So, for the benefit of the possibly two people who have ever read this, I am back.

Last night I tried a new style of food photography, more journalistic, black and white and grain filled and I think that I'm pretty satisfied with how they turned out. I have yet to totally settle on a style, but I think that's okay for now.

Anyway, that's all for now, as I sit here and very productively watch old episodes of Hell's Kitchen.

Skipping Cinco De Mayo

My impatience has really gotten the better of me this time. I had it all planned out to get dressed up and go out for mexican food for Cinco De Mayo - tomorrow. But the longer i thought about it, the more I wanted mexican food. Yesterday. So here i am on May 4th, getting dressed up and going out for mexican food. My impatience is overwhelming and my selfcontrol is lacking greatly. But at least i can say that my stomach will be satisfied. I can't stop thinking about fried icecream and chips with salsa. Not together, of course.

School closes in two weeks. And I don't mean that it closes it's doors for the summer, I mean that school. closes. No more ministry classes, no more walking to chapel in the snow, no more standing in the bathroom for ten minutes before class starts because that's where the hot air is blasting, no more Dr. Barcalow in funny bowties or jokes about "Harris Classes", this is it, this is the end, the finale is here. And as we flip the pages of the book, drawing closer to the end of the chapter, I do what I have always done. I read slower. I feel like i'm dragging my heels in the sand, being pulled kicking and screaming through these last few weeks. My head hurts from the work that we're being bogged down with, and while i would really love for the endless list of presentations to cease, i would much more like for school to continue.
My heart is breaking for Taylor University Fort Wayne. I know all the cheesy answers to how we're dealing with this; God brought us here for a reason, it's a diaspora, we're going out into the world to impact other people, God has a plan for us. And yet, despite all that reassurance, I still feel like this is wrong. I still feel burdened by the abruptness, and I worry that no one will know I'm a Christian if I don't have a Youth Ministry label on the front of my shirt.
Is it legitimate to wonder if people will still know that I'm a Christian? Did I base this knowledge off of my major? I AM a Christian, in spite of or because of or irrelevantly connected to, my youth ministry major, but I AM a Christian in every context beyond school. But my fear is that it's an easy out. Does this mean that I have to start living my life sold out for God? (not to mention that i most definitely should have been doing that from the beginning) but does this mean that I really have to Change now? Before, I could tell people where I go to school and what i'm majoring in and where i work, and all of a sudden without having to show them how I live my life, they know who I am, what I believe in, and where i'm coming from. Now, i don't have that little cheat sheet to hand out to people. Now, they'll have to know because of how i live.
And THAT, my friends, is a little scary.

Peanutbutter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Found this amazing recipe at smittenkitchen.com/ and I knew I had to try it. I haven't had peanut butter cookies since I was a kid, and honestly I don't know what the heck I was waiting for because I have obviously been missing out. I made some minor adjustments to the recipe which I will explain further.

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened ( i didn't use a full stick of butter for this, and it didn't make a difference.)
1 cup peanut butter at room temperature (they recommended creamy, so i used 1/2 cup creamy and 1/2 cup crunchy)
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 large egg, at room temperature
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup peanut butter chips (i used 1 full bag)
1/2 cup chocolate chips(i also used a full bag of these. it may have been overkill, i ended up with extra chips laying in the bottom of my bowl, you can probably decide for yourself how much is too much)

For sprinkling: 1 tablespoon sugar, regular or superfine

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine the flour, the baking soda, the baking powder, and the salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and the peanut butter together until fluffy. Add the sugars and beat until smooth. Add the egg and mix well. Add the milk and the vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture and beat thoroughly. Stir in the peanut butter and chocolate chips. Place sprinkling sugar — the remaining tablespoon — on a plate. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls into the sugar, then onto ungreased cookie sheets, leaving several inches between for expansion. Using a fork, lightly indent with a crisss-cross pattern (I used the back of a small offset spatula to keep it smooth on top), but do not overly flatten cookies. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Do not overbake. Cookies may appear to be underdone, but they are not.

Cool the cookies on the sheets for 1 minute, then remove to a rack to cool completely.

Piano keys

Chris and I have gotten into the habit of renting old seasons of House and watching them in an effort to satisfy our need for drama - or maybe that's just me.
Last night we watched an episode about an idiot savant who had a neurological problem that caused him to have extraordinary skills on the piano. I watched with fascination at first, until I couldn't bear to see his fingers cross the keys, I couldn't stand to hear the lyrical notes, I couldn't deal with the intensity of my emotions. I started wracking my brain for any possible way that I could find myself back on a piano bench, back with my fingers on the whites and blacks, back in the one place that has always brought me comfort and strength. It's been a good six months since I've had the opportunity to play, before that even longer. All together, I've been out of touch, musically, for three years, and the longer I go without it, the harder it is to sit back down and play again. The sheer disappointment that I feel when my fingers hit the keys, when the notes grace my ears, when the world around my falls away; it's enough to make me cry.
I miss the familiarity that playing the piano brings, the universal aspect of music. It gives me clarity, peace, centeredness.
In a time when I felt alone and overwhelmed by stress, the piano was there. When I needed to clear my mind, I would walk to the bench, sit down, begin playing, and it was like I had flipped a switch on my life - the room was gone, my problems were gone, the world was in order, and all that I needed to focus on was making sure that my fingers reached the notes on the page, that the music never stopped, that I was growing, stretching, building, learning, playing.
There's never been anything that brings calm to my life the way that playing did. Nothing has ever been able to replace that, nothing even comes close. When I close my eyes, I can imagine the feeling of being able to play a piece that I've worked hard on, knowing that I have learned something brand new - struggled over it, worked at it, shaped my hands around it, and conquered it. Now, when I play the piano, the satisfaction is gone. I know that I have not been able to play a new piece in over 4 years, the work I've done has been completed long ago, when I dreaded Friday afternoons, the daunting piano lesson ahead of me. I am disappointed in myself, in my receding skill, in my lazy fingers and the silent keys. I hate the sound of choppy waltzes, I hate the way I struggle over pieces that I learned when I was in middle school. I hate my fingers and my mind and my lack of talent.

I want that back, whatever it was. I want the feeling back, I want the peace back, I want the talent back. I want the naivety that came with it, the feeling that I would never be without the piano, the innocence that I had when I sat down at the keys.

Negative Calorie Foods

There has been some controversy as to the legitimacy of what are known as "negative calorie" foods, however I am a pretty big believer and supporter. Foods that are deemed "negative" perhaps are a little deceiving, as all food contains calories (with the exemption of fake sugar and, well, cardboard - but i guess neither of those count, right?), but the effect that eating this food has is best understood when given the title "negative". Believe it or not, there are certain foods you can eat that have the effect of not eating anything. Your body exerts effort when you chew, swallow, even digest your food, so it's not surprising that you don't retain every single stray calorie you ingest. On the contrary, your body burns off a percentage of the calories taken in at any given time, some foods requiring more effort than others. There are groups of food, primarily fruit and vegetables, that require so much effort for your body to digest, that you end up with a negative calorie effect when it boils down to pure numbers. You may have heard that chewing celery burns more calories than you gain from eating it - this is true. However, celery is not the only food that gives you this sweet grace, it's simply one of several (potentially more than twenty).
Many people have attempted to follow this list in a strict manner, cutting off all other foods in order to loose weight. This is not a smart idea, as these foods do not contain enough nutrients on their own to sustain your health for an extensive period of time. The controversy herein lies.

"Negative Calorie" Foods :
Asparagus
Beet Root
Broccoli
Cabbage
Carrot
Cauliflower
Celery
Cucumber
Garlic
Green Beans
Lettuce
Onion
Radish
Spinach
Turnip
Zuchini

Apple
Blueberry
Cantaloupe
Cranberry
Grapefruit
Honeydew
Lemon
Lime
Mango
Orange
Papaya
Peach
Pineapple
Raspberry
Strawberry
Tomato
Tangerine
Turnip
Watermellon

On getting what you want

Sometimes I wonder if I've conditioned myself to want the things that I can't have. I don't mean a normal amount of want; I mean the intense longing that breeds infatuation. I mean wanting something so bad that your heart aches, your world falls apart, nothing is more satisfying than the pull it has. I wonder if I've become that girl. You know the one, we all know the one. Do I want what I can't have and hate what I can? Am I always going to find myself dissatisfied with the real thing? Or is it all just a mind game?
I think, sometimes, that what I've done is build a world around me, a perfect, idealized world, my own perception of reality, something that nothing can ever compare to. Do I spend my time pretending that the things I want are better than they really are? Does it affect how I view the world? My friends? The future? My faith?
Maybe the things I want aren't in the cards. Maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking that perfect is out there; Perfect classes, Perfect motivation, Perfect photography, Perfect love, Perfect life. I idealize Perfect. How did I end up like this?

Basic Vietnamese Chili Sauce

2 dried red chilies, stemmed, seeded, and soaked in hot water until soft
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons fish sauce
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
1 tablespoon lemon juice

Using a mortar and pestle, grind together the dried chilies and the garlic to form a rough paste. Stir in the sugar until well incorporated. Stir in the remaining ingredients.


This Vietnamese chili sauce differs from most Thai hot sauces with its use of dried chilies instead of fresh, yielding a smokier, somewhat softer flavor. Brown sugar also has a mellowing effect.

Taken from this book.
Served with chicken kabobs and grilled sweet potatoes.

On the future and other mindless things

For a while last semester, I got the crazy idea in my head that my true calling in life was to be a chef. I had spent a great deal of time at home in South Carolina over winter break, and during the course of my two week stay, I talked more about school and my future than I had in the past 2 months combined. When tufw announced the closing, I had my one solid day of complete panic and tears and the whole emotional breakdown, what am I going to do with my life, freak out. But that was it. After that one day, I shut that part of my mind down, i turned it off, flipped the switch, moved on, walked away. I told everyone that I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet, and so I didn't make plans for the future. Instead, I assumed that life would work itself out in the end, just like it always does. So when I got to South Carolina and endured the endless discussions, going around and around and around in circles, having the same pointless conversations with everyone that I encountered, I finally came to the conclusion that I HAD to find a degree that would get me out of school and done with this part of my life in 2 years or less.
The obvious choice was culinary arts. Of course.
If you were thinking something more like dog groomer, I'm sorry to disappoint.

During the brief period of time when I decided that my life was lacking in the cooking and eating department, I cooked a grand total of one time. A whopping one dinner was prepared, thought over, consumed, and then, for a lack of better words, revisited.
I made dinner, the best dinner (though, now I can't look back on it without feeling ill), a dinner that required so much time and effort that I spent the whole day making it. I ate dinner and drank a beer along with it, and the next day I came down with the stomach virus, and I will never be able to drink beer from a green glass again. The very sight of grits makes me queasy, and I haven't touched salmon since. It was not a very good time. But it was an excellent deterrent. I learned from this experience that cooking was NOT on the menu - laugh if you will - for my future. Professional cooking, that is.

Now, as the year draws to a close, the window of time is growing smaller, the light at the end more dim, I feel like I may have finally settled on something. Maybe, for once in my life, I have come to terms with my life, maybe I've finally evaluated the things that are important to me in a way that will satisfy my heart cry. Maybe, just maybe, this is where I'm supposed to be; heading down the road I'm supposed to be on. I believed for the longest time that I'd be heading south. South where? South anywhere, wherever the wind blew, just south. But now...somewhere else is calling my name, something else is drawing my attention away from the past year in youth ministry. Maybe now I can finally settle into school, into my passion, into my future and my career. Photography? San Fransisco? Missions? It calls to me.

Books

I rarely think about anything that I would consider worthwhile, or at least, embarrassing enough to write for you blogger friends. That is why I am so slack about updating this thing, although in my mind, i have high expectations for what it would potentially someday be - totally personalized, completely cute, full of witty stories from my thrilling life, and eventually video friendly. To give you insight into why it is not like that already, i need only say three words: youth ministry major.
Unfortunately, i am falling into the category of a slacker youth min. major, something that i swore i would never become, but sadly have. My normally clean but crazy room is never clean, i honestly can't remember the last time i cleaned it, my homework is never done, i'm late for class, and i spend all of my time watching Fringe on Hulu. By the way, friends, Fringe is amazing.

However, I feel like in the past i've been pretty good about keeping up with things like my own personal journals (yes, i kept more than a few of them), and i'll be sharing some pieces from my first journal, of any substance, that is - relatively speaking. Beforehand, something that I found when i was looking for my journals is my list of books that i read for two is years. I had a plan, at one time, to read 52 books in 52 weeks. The plan merged into 26 books in 52 weeks, thinking that i wouldn't have enough time to read a book a week and keep up with school. Little did i know that i would actually read 40 books in 52 weeks. Sad that i came so close but couldnt quite finish. Anyhow, here is my list, much more extended since the year finished in 2007.
1. A Million Little Pieces - Frey
2. My Friend Leonard - Frey
3. Tuesday's With Morrie - Albom
4. Huck Finn - Twain
5. The Great Gatsby - Fitzgerald
6. A Heartbreaking Tale of Staggering Genious - Eggars
7. Short Stories - Fitzgerald
8. The Cat Who Lived High - Braun
9. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Hadden
10. God's Debris - Adams
11. This Side of Paradise - Fitzgerald
12. Through Painted Deserts - Miller
13. The Poisonwood Bible - Kingsolver
14. Blue Highways - Heatmoon
15. Madame Bovary - Flaubert
16. Running With Scissors - Burroughs
17. The Cerial Murders - Mott Davidson
18. Waiting - Ginsberg
19. The Face of God - Myers
20. The Moonstone - Collins
21. The Painting of Dorian Grey - Wilde
22. Survivor - Pahlinuick
23. Benito Cereno - Melville
24. The Sound and the Fury- Faulkner
25. Savage Innequalities - Kozol
26. Two Nations - Hacker
27. Nickel and Dimed - Ehrenreich
28. The Torn Skirt - Godfrey
29. Mrs. Dalloway - Woolfe
30. Hamlete - Shakespeare
31. Guildenstern and Rosencrants Are Dead - Stoppard
32. My Name is Asher Lev- Pottok
33. Gifts - LeGuin
34. The Eyre Affair - Fford
35. The Historian - Kostova
36. Lullaby - Palahniuk
37. In the Lake of the Woods - O'Brien
38. Four Souls - Eridrech
39. A Raisin in the Sun - Hansberry
40. The Piano Lesson - Wilson
41. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Vernes
42. The Things They Carried - O'Brien
43. Wuthering Heights - Bronte
44. jay's Journal
45. Go Ask Alice
46. Out of the Black Shadows - Lungu
47. Kite Runner - Hosseini
48. The Tempest - Shakespeare
49. A Thousand Splended Suns - Hosseini
50. Eragon - Paolini
51. Crank - Hopkins
52. Agatha Raisin and the Haunted House - Beaton
53. The Piano Tuner -Mason
54. Geographer's Library - Kindle
55. Year of Secret Assignments
56. The Eight -Neville
57. Rumpole and the Primrose Path - Mortimer
58. The Cat Who Went Underground - Braun
59. The Cat Who Knew a Cardinal - Braun
60. The Cat Who Went into a Closet - Braun
61. Inside the Jihad - Nasir
62. Grayson - Cox
63. Rumpole's First Omnibus - Mortimer
64. The River of Doubt - Millard
65. Twilight
66. New Moon
67. Come Back 0 Fontain
68. The Secret Life of Bees - Monk Kidd
69. Pretend You're Invisible - Higgins Clark
70. Eclipse
71. Such a Pretty Girl - Wiess
72. Perks of Being a Wallflower - Chbosky
73. Why We're Not Emergent - Deyoung and Kluk

Obviously, I've read much more since this time, however, i ran out of space on my paper and stopped recording my books :\

4 am

I love caffeine. Maybe I love caffeine too much. I feel like it has become impossible for me to fall asleep organically these days. There's a strong, and bad, combination of having gone for a solid day without caffeine and then jumping right back into my normal 5 sodas and 2 coffees a day, having been sick for 2 weeks now (i forget, is this my third cold, or is it just impossible for me to get well?), not being able to breathe for any reason without being completely stuffy - i mean, come on, how many times an hour can a person blow their nose??- having taken, for two nights in a row, cold medicine to make myself fall asleep, having had a really fantastic night, something which never ceases to keep me up at night - go figure- and of course, there's the whole thing where i have been working out muscles that have been seriously neglected in the course of the past three months and so therefor hurt like crazy right now, leaving me feeling like i've been run over by a huge truck at 4 am, thinking that there's no way i'm going to be any more awake for my 8 am spiritual formation class than I was on monday when I woke up and found out that the tylenol night time medicine that I had taken did NOT fully wear off.
My teacher will be so thrilled.

So here I am, blogging world, 4 am and no sleep in sight. Perfect, you say, now you can update us on your life.
I bought the 40D tonight, something that fills me with great satisfaction. It's an amazing camera, the clarity difference between the 40D and my XTi is astounding, and it just feels right when I hold it. Paul was right, there's a huge difference between the plastic feeling of a lower end camera and the more solid feel of a higher end camera, and that is something that I love. I honestly cannot wait to have Paul's lens on my camera; the 50 mm f/1.8 is a thing of beauty and I'm sure i'll be totally blown away by the wide angle.
My friends and I have finally decided where we're going for spring break, and I'm thrilled to say that Hawaii has never sounded so good :D the hotel looks amazing, the view looks unbelievable, and everything that my mom has told me is just eating away at my patience; how will I ever wait 6 more weeks?! The flight is something like 10 hours long, plus a 3 hour layover, plus another 1 ish hour flight. It will be the longest flight/day of my life, but honestly I couldn't think of a better way to spend it, knowning that you're going to go to bed that night in Hawaii, the most beautiful place on earth.
I've come to terms with some friend things lately, as well. I've become more independant, friend wise, and I think that is a good thing. We'll see how things pan out, I really hate how I get my hopes up for good changes in my life, and then over think things until I realize that I'm really disappointed in how things turned out. But so far, so good.

On the other hand

i could screw things up in one day.

On indecision

I have such a hard time making decisions. And I don't mean just the tough decisions that take a lot of work, I mean everything from a favorite color (I don't have one) to a favorite band/song/style of music/book/class i'm taking/photographic style/photographer...the list goes on and on and on. I guess the whole indecision thing carries over into the big decisions as well. In the past, I think it's been much easier for my indecision to live behind the scenes in my life because somehow everything just always seemed to fall into place without any real effort on my part. Last night, in class, we went around and talked about what our plans are for the fall - in light of tufw closing in May. I was alone, totally alone, the only person in the entire class that could honestly say that I had no idea, not even a hint of an idea, not even an inknling of a clue as to what I even want to do, where I want to go, or if I want to go at all. I'm not used to being the one that isn't put together. I'm not used to being the one without a clue. I AM used to having all my stuff in order ages in advance of everyone else, which is probably why they all voted me into the position of team leader after I left. Something about being organized...hmm. :P

But, anyway, what I'm coming to terms with is that when I sit back and allow things to happen, they do. When I stop and wait and listen to what's going on around me, listen to what God's saying, when I really stop and just let my life play out instead of overanalyzing everything and trying to pin down the next thing, stuff seems to work out on it's own. So, I'm not stressing. I mean, obviously I am, but I'm not writing in all the minor details. I'm letting it happen. And it feels freeing.

A little friendly advice

Let me impart some hard earned wisdom on you, my friends. If you feel the need to go skinny dipping in the hot tub while it's clearly 10 degrees outside, make sure that you are 100% healthy in the first place. Don't run across the cold snow in your bare feet, don't sit in the hot tub and laugh at how there are icicles in your wet hair, don't stare at the sky and wonder when the snow will get here. Simply put, just. don't. do. it. And above all, if you have a cold to begin with, do not run outside and laugh at how the air hurts to breath, don't sit in the hot tub wearing nothing but your birthday suit for an hour, don't go inside and forget to dry your hair, don't take a shower and then leave your wet hair freezing and wet all night long. Instead, stay at home. Stay in bed, stay under the warm, warm covers, drink hot tea, take medicine, don't go outside for any reason. Just stay put.


Honestly. This is the worst cold of my life. (worth it, completely)

New Year's Resolutions

This list is strictly an outline of things that I want to accomplish this year. None of these things are complete deal breakers, however I'd like to do as many as possible, if not more. I'm sure that I will be adding to this list as the year goes on, as well. I know that making a list doesn't really fit with being less uptight, but I work best when I have a list. Then I can at least see what I've done and what I haven't and check to make sure I'm following through with my own resolution. In general, I'd just really like to say yes more. I have a really bad habit of saying no to things because I've always been the good child. I never broke the rules when I was a kid, the most I ever did was talk back to my parents, and now that I've gotten past that stage of my life, I'd really like to dive in and experience life. Maybe I've been too nervous in the past, maybe I've been overly cautious, and maybe it's been a good thing. But I think it's time to stop worrying about needless details and start living my life. I don't want to look back on my college years and think "wow, I guess I really didn't do much...", I want to look back and not be able to remember half the things I did, I want to have stories to tell and I want to be able to laugh.

My 2009 List
Smoke a cigar don't get me wrong, I'm not into smoking; never have been, never will be. but i feel like, this is one of those things that guys get to do and girls don't. or...they do and they end up looking trashy. i want to take advantage of the situation and do it because i can, and because i'll never do it again.
Smoke a hookah again, nothing i'm advocating. but this year one of my friends asked me to go to a hookah bar with him and i declined, after much persuasion on his part. it's something i could easily have said yes to, but i turned him down for no good reason. i need to rectify that.
Go to New York/Hawaii a few friends have casually invited me to to go both places this summer. i don't want to just talk about going, i want to actually go. i'll have money this summer from shooting a few weddings, i'm really banking on that. if i had it my way, i'd go to both places. i'll settle for one or the other if time doesn't allow, but i'd really like to do both.
Go surfing this goes along with a trip to Hawaii. if i go to Hawaii i refuse to let the opportunity pass.
Go snowboarding come on, seriously, i live in the north! how have i not been snowboarding yet??
Get a tattoo this is tricky, i need a good idea for a tattoo!
Stop being the DD yes. i'm the dd. mostly because i'm the one that drives catie and myself to parties, so i'm the one that drives home, although catie doesnt drink either. so i am thinking at least once this year i should hand the keys over to catie.
Drink alcohol this one has already been accomplished - a few shots of tequila and a few too many mimosas over christmas break.
Go to a club seriously, fort wayne finally opened an under 21 club, and i haven't been yet. for all my talk i feel really ridiculous. i love dancing, i have no reason not to go, other than i stress over the minor details about going to a club. i will go.
Travel out of the country i'm hoping for japan ;) i can't say more or i'll jinx it!
Go to Florida (or somewhere equally fun) for Spring Break spring break was made for parties. i always end up coming home for spring break, as everyone else is leaving for florida or cali or wherever. this year, none of that. i'm going somewhere other than south carolina for spring break.
Start babysitting i made excuses this year. i had ample opportunities to babysit and i turned them all down. i need to stop making excuses and start saying yes to people. a little extra money is never bad. and i love kids.
Find a second job i need money. i need to be less afraid of a new job, and more interested in making money so i can get an apartment.
Buy a new camera, whether you can afford it or not this will be a hard one. i DO need a new camera; a canon 40D is my preference. i need it before june, and i've started saving. if i don't make the money i need by that time, i'll dip into my own money - other than what i'm saving. and i will be fine with that.
Leave my cellphone at home i think most of the time my cell phone is the cause of all my stress. i'm constantly checking it for texts or calls or whatever. no one will die if i leave my phone at home and don't text back instantly. i'll feel better about myself, it's a liberating feeling when you don't have something attached to your hip.
Read more - magazines, books, silly things, everything sometimes i think i feel like i need to only read books. but i sat and read cosmo this morning by the lake with my phone turned off. it was amazing, i haven't felt so peaceful in a very very very long time.
Be late sometimes i'm crazy about being on time! i'm always ten minutes early. this year, i'm going to allow myself to be late a few times.
Sleep in i literally lay in bed in the morning stressing about how i need to get up and get dressed, and then i realize that i have nothing to do. there's nothing wrong with sleeping in. it's good for you.
Dance! to me, dancing = being completely uninhibited. i'm even a little self conscious to dance by myself, with no one else around. the ultimate test will be if i can dance around complete strangers. it's no big deal at one of Jarrod's parties; no one is sober enough to notice if i'm a complete idiot or not.
Wear my hair curly i obsessively straighten and restraighten my hair everyday. it's always bone straight, and i actually have really curly, wavy hair. i'm going to destress, and let my hair be curly.
Give someone my number the ultimate test of my self confidence and courage. i'm going to give a complete stranger my number. i mean, hell, i've gotten numbers from guys, and it's never been a weird thing. so there shouldn't be any reason for me to feel weird about giving mine to a guy.




I don't expect to be able to fulfill every single one of these, but I do expect to at least try. I hope that by the end of the year I'll be able to look back and laugh at how silly my fears and insecurities were at the beginning. This will be a growing experience and a challenge and I'm seriously looking forward to it.

What are your new years resolutions?

To brighten your day

This is my amazing cousin Joe. He wrote this himself. I'm massively impressed, and this song makes me smile every time. I hope it makes you smile as well.