Sometimes I wonder if I've conditioned myself to want the things that I can't have. I don't mean a normal amount of want; I mean the intense longing that breeds infatuation. I mean wanting something so bad that your heart aches, your world falls apart, nothing is more satisfying than the pull it has. I wonder if I've become that girl. You know the one, we all know the one. Do I want what I can't have and hate what I can? Am I always going to find myself dissatisfied with the real thing? Or is it all just a mind game?
I think, sometimes, that what I've done is build a world around me, a perfect, idealized world, my own perception of reality, something that nothing can ever compare to. Do I spend my time pretending that the things I want are better than they really are? Does it affect how I view the world? My friends? The future? My faith?
Maybe the things I want aren't in the cards. Maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking that perfect is out there; Perfect classes, Perfect motivation, Perfect photography, Perfect love, Perfect life. I idealize Perfect. How did I end up like this?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
perfect is the brother of infinity,
ReplyDeleteand infinity does not exist.