On indecision

I have such a hard time making decisions. And I don't mean just the tough decisions that take a lot of work, I mean everything from a favorite color (I don't have one) to a favorite band/song/style of music/book/class i'm taking/photographic style/photographer...the list goes on and on and on. I guess the whole indecision thing carries over into the big decisions as well. In the past, I think it's been much easier for my indecision to live behind the scenes in my life because somehow everything just always seemed to fall into place without any real effort on my part. Last night, in class, we went around and talked about what our plans are for the fall - in light of tufw closing in May. I was alone, totally alone, the only person in the entire class that could honestly say that I had no idea, not even a hint of an idea, not even an inknling of a clue as to what I even want to do, where I want to go, or if I want to go at all. I'm not used to being the one that isn't put together. I'm not used to being the one without a clue. I AM used to having all my stuff in order ages in advance of everyone else, which is probably why they all voted me into the position of team leader after I left. Something about being organized...hmm. :P

But, anyway, what I'm coming to terms with is that when I sit back and allow things to happen, they do. When I stop and wait and listen to what's going on around me, listen to what God's saying, when I really stop and just let my life play out instead of overanalyzing everything and trying to pin down the next thing, stuff seems to work out on it's own. So, I'm not stressing. I mean, obviously I am, but I'm not writing in all the minor details. I'm letting it happen. And it feels freeing.