Have a Little Faith in Me

It's been just about one year since I began this blog and I have to say that I've done a fairly poor job of keeping it up. It seems that I turn to writing when things in my life are a jumbled mess, as if putting my thoughts down would make them less sticky and more solvable.
These past six months have been the most harrowing of my life. I have gone from an extremely confident, relatively happy girl with a faith that she believed in wholeheartedly, with a job and friends and a life to live, to a shattered, broken, fragmented girl lacking in faith, discipline, and responsibility of any shape or form. I feel somewhat helpless in terms of my faith. I know that I have struggled through my life, stumbling and tripping up here and there; doing things that push the lines of what I believe in, trying to shape and mold myself and my beliefs around something that I was still constantly trying to figure out. But never before have I so vastly deviated from the path that I thought I would always be set upon.
It wasn't until recently that I came to the realization that I am no longer living as a woman who has Christ in her, but as a woman who has done all that she can to push Him out of her life and her heart. It hurts me in so many ways to know that I have hurt Him, that I've stepped so far out of bounds, that I've gone against everything that I said that I stood for. It's a hard process, but I am determined to rebound from this. I have set my mind to knowing Him again, to knowing Him better than before, and to making Him proud.
Instead of putting other things, and everything, first, I am going to put Him first before all else in my life. I know how difficult this will be at first, I know that it will be a struggle; it's a habit to build, a lifestyle to embrace, a change to make. But I am confident. I can do it. I know that He is here to guide me and all that I have to do is sink into the river and let the current flow where it chooses.

I am starting my life all over again. Beginning Now.